tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3724292747895933012024-03-14T11:50:53.009-06:00OneVoiceThis is the blog of Terri Sunflowery...finding and expressing my own voice, I share thoughts and ideas here in the form of poems, essays and original songs when the notion strikes. Please enjoy, engage, and comment. We are one voice and when we sing together we shine brightly.Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-13153836987233905182019-02-14T15:11:00.000-07:002019-02-14T15:11:10.771-07:00This isn’t about Valentine’s Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There are some things in life that are just too painful, too confusing and too difficult to understand. I just got a reminder of one of those things in my life. And it sucks. My heart flips, my adrenaline kicks in and I go off into all the feels of it. It doesn’t last as long these days but it still sucks. I still ask why me. I still wonder what if. I still wish it could have been different. </div>
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No, my world...my particular world, has never been colored very brightly with romantic gestures. I know I longed for them in the early years of marriage but when they didn’t come I was easily consoled by my need to be okay with that more than my need for colorful gestures. My sense of self was more in line with being very good at not upsetting apple carts. In fact, I was quite proud of my skill. It lingers today but more as a nuisance than something I am proud of actually. But no...</div>
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And it isn’t that I am against celebrating Valentine’s Day. In fact, I put on my calendar for today “celebrate” so I had every intention of treating myself to a sweetheart of a day. And for this rainy afternoon in the middle of February, the fact that I am still undressed and unshowered and went back to bed after breakfast...means I am celebrating! For most of this day I am not beholding to anyone or anything and planned to celebrate by going with the flow and doing whatever I please. That is the best present I can give to myself. Being present with myself. So, no...</div>
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This is just about being human. It is about being human and enjoying beautiful sunsets that make you want to stop time. It is about being human and being reminded that life isn’t always as pretty as a sunset but you aren’t the only one not seeing sunsets today. It is about being a single solitary human in a world of other single solitary humans (and plants and animals and rocks and dirt and all of life). It is about being a human and that whether you are coupled up with other humans or living alone by consequence or choice that we all have an incredible opportunity here. The opportunity to embrace it all...the good, the bad, the ugly. Accept that reminders of the ugly will creep into your sunsets sometimes and that the opposite is always true too...when we feel like we are surrounded by the ugly parts of life the clouds part and the most glorious sunset is there to help us remember that it is all here and that it all belongs. Sometimes that sunset is your partner or a friend telling you how beautiful you are. And those clouds stealing the color from your eyes might be the grief you feel at the loss of a loved one, or a job, or a flat tire. It all belongs. </div>
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It is about all of us. All connected in the web of life here on this amazing planet. About every day and every way we make ourselves and each other feel loved, feel empowered, safe and strong. It is about loving ourselves out of the clouds in a gentle manner so that we don’t lose sight but don’t rush through what is showing up for us in these moments either. It is about enjoying the spectacular sunsets of your life...even on a rainy Valentine’s Day. But then again....</div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-831095047675504622018-10-01T20:00:00.002-06:002023-02-01T11:53:35.342-07:00Autumn comes in the fall<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I wanted to write a great blog post...for the Equinox.<br />
But today is October 1st and I haven’t written in here since the summer solstice. I wanted to write a timely follow up to that post on the Equinox, over a week ago, but I got stuck. My world has shifted since the Solstice. Change has come yet again, as it will and as it does but these last few months have brought to me changes I would never have predicted and did not see coming.<br />
I have had my heart shattered, my mind blown and my soul reignited...in that order...in the last 3 months!<br />
The shattered heart is deeply personal and has brought me to my knees. Loss, in any form, can be painful but it can also be a window inside the self. I am still in there, on some level, looking and studying what I find in that view. What these journeys tell me about myself and my path has been evolving while mending the shattered parts. I am trusting the process mostly because I have no other choice.<br />
And with that shattered heart I took myself off to Lyons, Colorado to the Rocky Mountain Song School at a gorgeous place called Planet Bluegrass along the St Vrain river. I went to this songwriting school thinking it a one time fantasy vacay for myself but little did I know. I found my people on that Planet and THAT was what blew my mind more than anything...that I EVEN had people!! That it would be songwriting folks and that I would feel so very connected to these fellow songwriters was not what I expected. Although, to be honest, it is what I wrote in my journal a week before going...that kind of floors me now. I wrote “I want to FEEL like I have something to offer. That my stories are valid, that my songwriting is a gift that I have to give. And not just mine, I want to FEEL, as a participant of the song school, that we ALL have our gifts to give. We all matter. I matter but not more or less than anyone else...but I matter too. Feel that Terri. You matter. You have a writing gift...use it, feel it, give it.” And then I take my (zero training) self off to this incredible place with incredibly inviting people and felt completely at ease and a part of something bigger than us all. I was welcomed in as if I mattered and as if I had important stories to tell via song...via my songs. And I have so many new and wonderful friends. That experience has changed my life. I know I am not the first to say that as it was the 25th year of the song school. It was only my first but I will be back...that is a surety.<br />
The instructor to student ratio is incredible. And as any week of workshops goes, you can never take them all so one must go back over and over again just to learn all there is to absorb and digest from these amazing songwriters/instructors. I tended to gravitate towards performance this first year since that has been my weakest link in the chain. I have had pretty bad stage fright since starting this amateur adventure a few short years ago. I either forget lyrics or my hands shake so bad I can hardly play my guitar. I can bring lyrics on stage with me for comfort but shaky fingers are harder to navigate. I thought the performance classes would help with this anxiety. It did help and I have way more tools to help me navigate my nerves. But there was far more to it than that.<br />
It reignited my soul.<br />
To know more about what happens at Song School though...you gotta go...if that is your thing. Otherwise it is too hard to put into words. Except that...I did write a song called When I Was A Cello that sort of sums it up for me. In one class all of the students had to describe each other using only 3 words and there was a process to get there. One of my words was shifty...as in shape shifter shifty and since I have studied shamanism once upon a time I really resonated with that.<br />
I have been writing songs almost nonstop since I got home from Lyons. And I am going to open mics, I am going to see live music and I am considering making my first record.<br />
In September I went to the inaugural Casey Jones folk festival in Colo Springs. It was a blast. I met more song school folks and sang in the open mics and song circles with the pros!! It was magical...simply magical. In one of the workshops I said yes to being the guinea pig and made a complete fool of myself but it reaped rewards. And one of those might turn into a record which has been a dream since I started this crazy side road in my life.<br />
So, here it is October already and my life feels like it is on a new path. October is usually a hard month for me but I don’t think I am going to notice too much. I have all these song ideas that keep coming and I am practicing every day and have started using a pic again so people can actually hear my guitar. I am standing too...so people can hear my voice. I have songs to sing and stories to tell. Autumn comes in the fall every year...without fail. And I am here too. Watching as the leaves fall and the colors change and the smoke from my fire rises.<br />
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When I Was A Cello<br />
An original song<br />
For Emily Ann<br />
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He said we are family<br />
With that first hello<br />
Found my tribe on the Planet<br />
As I turned into a cello<br />
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Writing songs by the bank<br />
Of the lovely St Vrain<br />
The owl asleep now silent<br />
In this morning rain<br />
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It’s about saying yes<br />
When its easier to say no<br />
It’s shape shifting I guess<br />
Like when I was a cello<br />
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Seasons change and the night ends<br />
Light shifts into mind blowin’<br />
Colors that transcend<br />
The darkness in my soul<br />
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Leap into the next<br />
Brave chapter my dear<br />
Only you will see the gifts<br />
Life has to offer you there<br />
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It’s about saying yes<br />
When its easier to say no<br />
It’s shape shifting I guess<br />
Like when I was a cello<br />
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You played me as a child<br />
You held me in your arms<br />
The sounds we made together<br />
Emily Ann you are my charm<br />
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Dream your dreams<br />
Live your life<br />
Endless possibilities<br />
Yes, there will be strife<br />
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If you keep pushing through<br />
Even when you wonder why<br />
Things start to make sense<br />
And you know why your try<br />
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It’s about saying yes<br />
When its easier to say no<br />
It’s shapeshifting I guess<br />
Like when I was a cello</div>
Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-50674458407486460962018-06-21T17:57:00.000-06:002018-06-21T19:57:18.442-06:00Sweet Summer Solstice Solitude <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The longest day of the year always seems significant to me. So does the shortest. I am drawn to these unbalanced days as opposed to the Equinox which are actually quite balanced in the respect of daylight hours but that isn’t what attracts me...I don’t think. It is hot and bright on this day in the desert southwest mountains so you might have to squint to keep up with me here. I am talking about energy. The energy exchanged by longer days than nights allowing the growing things to grow while kids on summer vacation splash about in pools of delicious water. In winter the long nights take back what those long days gave us. These exchanges of energy pass by as seasons. Today, I am celebrating the beginning of this season, realizing that I am in a season of huge physical demands, that I am not so used to, by giving myself a cool rest under the air conditioning...yay summer!!</div>
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Recently I was in a different season of energy exchange. I had a lovely friend and now very dear friend come visit me twice in the last 6 weeks. We had some amazing discussions, deep insights and transforming experiences together. To say nothing of the live music and dancing we got to experience...that should be another blog post I suppose. </div>
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All the wonderful things we both learned are still jelling in each of us but what I can tell you here is that I found someone like me. Not just like me, that would be silly. No, she is like me in that she and I can feel other people’s energy. I am an empath. She is too. Empath is just one word for someone who is sensitive to the feelings/energies of others. So much so that they can easily lose sense of themselves if they don’t develop good boundaries. I’ve been this way my whole life but didn’t have words for it all until recently so we definitely had food for fodder.</div>
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I can also tell you that as an empath, having another empath for a houseguest is super easy. They know exactly what the other feels/needs, etc. So that part was way cool. And, we both saw this, it was absolutely amazing but also exhausting to have such in tune empath to empath discussions, usually over wine, every evening!! We were both having deep personal stuff going on in our periphery so there was that. All of the processing we did and the insights, we had to keep diving into, to get better clarity about, were deep truths for both of us. Did I say it was amazing? Because it was and we will have lots more opportunities for more of the same. I haven’t know very many people that experience people the way I do. But there are a few in my life and I thank you all for being there.</div>
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Do you ever get told “I love your energy” or “thanks for bringing your energy to the party” or “you’ve got such good energy”? This energy can be a blessing and a curse. It is such a blessing to share this energy with others, especially those you love and care about but also to light up that room at the party. Some people have this really good energy and it is kind of like the summer solstice and having very long days...everything and everyone grows around this energy. People LOVE it and they are really blessed by it. I know I am when I am around people with this energy. </div>
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But people with this type of innate energy usually don’t realize how often they share it. They also aren’t aware that because they can feel energy they can also feel lack, or energy vacuums which they try to fill. They usually just give and give and will often deplete their own energy to their detriment. If they have done it all their lives, like me, it gets real unhealthy and patterns are built that even when the light has been turned on, those hardwired patterns are difficult to break. This is the curse of which I speak. If you have read my blog before you may have noticed talk of chronic pain. That is an example of unhealthy depletion of energy. The sun’s energy burns out and we long for the winter season where we can go within and recharge our batteries.<br />
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There is a balance though. Sort of like that boring equinox although it isn’t boring at all. It’s balanced energy and empaths more than anyone need to have balanced energy in order to not be depleted constantly. What I have found, besides lots of rest and periods of blissful solitude is to feel and detect my own energy levels as often as possible and only give what feels good to give and when it doesn’t, protect my energy at all costs. No one else is going to do this for me. I realize there are bunches and bunches of people that don’t need to be told this. They already know how to detect and monitor their own energy levels intuitively. I admire you. I am not one of those people. Not intuitively anyway but I am learning to reprogram my old patterns. I am learning that if I say yes to you when I really want to say no I am really saying no to my needs and that depletes my energy. If I am in a good mood and you are not and I swoop in to try and make you feel good even though you didn’t ask me to...I deplete my energy. The only solution I have come to and I got there with the help of my dear empath friend and a course I took by Lee Harris, is to take care of my own energy needs, share when I can and hold back and recharge when I need to AND, if I do this, I will maintain my precious balance, my equinox, and help to balance those around me by not taking care of their energy for them. <br />
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It isn’t that I don’t want to shine like the Solstice sun shining today because I do and I thrive on shining my light. I am making a vow to myself to take better care of myself and that means taking care of my energy so that I don’t crave winter’s restorative properties so much of the time. I am doing that today by saying no to an invitation to spend the Solstice with other like minded folks in ceremony that I used to really enjoy. Today I am spending in solitude and I am recharging my energy. I am in a season of physical pursuits to make a little money. Energy traded in the form of hard work for a little cashola. It helps out the neighbors and it helps me. Good exchange. I am also building my first ever fire pit so that I can drum and sing around my own fire this summer (after the rains start of course!). I am enjoying my life and all that I am learning.<br />
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(Original photo of unfinished fire pit)<br />
I will close by wishing you a lovely Sweet Summer Solstice whether you spend it in solitude or not.<br />
Enjoy your summer, take care of yourselves and if you resonate with the empath thing...take real good care of your own energy! It could save your life. </div>
Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-871127461561789712018-06-19T21:21:00.000-06:002018-06-19T21:23:07.158-06:00The View<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I found this special place near where I live that I can easily walk to overlooking the vast ocean of mountains and plains that I am viewing from a chair I stashed that snuggles neatly into the circling branch of a beautiful dead stag. The walk isn’t really that far and I can easily carry my glass of wine and a blanket to throw over the chair. It is paradise. The setting sun changing the colors every 15 minutes. The birds chirping loudly as I settle in, one by one, quiet for the night. Crickets are about though. It is summer and they are the sound of summer evenings. The wind blowing through the juniper and pines is the most grandest of sounds that stops even the cricket in their little noisy steps. I am amazed that there aren’t any other sounds but these. I saw one car but just one. Not that you can really see a car from this viewpoint but I saw the headlights down there on the plain. Peaceful contentment abounds here. I can see it in the bark of the tree as the sun sets it magical light in just the right spot that it captures the attention of even the most wandering mind. </div>
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Silver linings. Changing colors and points of view. Changing attitudes bring new places to sit and ponder and wonder if life gets any better than this moment. If it does, I’m in. If this is it...I’m good. I am so very good. </div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-28585221946709205462018-04-08T21:04:00.001-06:002018-10-02T15:25:16.720-06:00Four more <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
4 more days. I am retiring from a 31 year Nursing career. There are many feelings in this. I had a great career. I mean, it wasn’t all that glamorous but I seemed to get to do what I wanted in terms of the different fields of Nursing. I set out with 3 goals, I wanted to help others, I wanted to provide a living for my children and myself and I wanted access to healthcare. Little did I know how much of that healthcare I would have to access. None the less, it was a fantastic opportunity to get all those things...and more. Yes, I got some bruises along the way. My back will never be the same but I got a lot of rewards that I couldn't have imagined by connecting with the patients that I cared for and by interacting with other caregivers just like me. Caregivers helping others for a living. We are likely the caregivers of our personal relationships too. We give and give and give. Sometimes we learn to ask what we need as well. </div>
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You may know that I live next door to my 85 year old parents. They are the most remarkable and awesome set of individuals I could ever ask to be born to. I didn’t always know this nor believe it but I do now and that is really all that matters. I am going to get the awesome opportunity to give care to them soon. It will start with something easy and maybe it will get more difficult...maybe it won’t. I am here and here for the duration. </div>
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I recently went away on a trip to a tropical island. One last trip as an employed citizen. It was gorgeous and magical and wonderfully cloudy. Life is like that sometimes...gorgeous and magical and wonderfully cloudy. </div>
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You may also know that I am fairly newly divorced after a 27 year relationship. It has been just over 18 months since the last of the crumble or the beginning of the beginning. I think I had a breakthrough this weekend. I think that maybe someday, maybe someday I will feel worthy of a relationship that thrives because I am in it and not only for the relationship but for me too. When I feel that worthiness, then it will happen. And until then, damn I am loving my life just the way it is right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>
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<br />Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-39537762914028519822018-03-12T21:08:00.003-06:002018-10-02T15:23:27.232-06:00The OwlThe Owl keeps showing up. I have seen and heard Owl so very many times lately so I decided to investigate when I found myself communicating with an owl tonight. She or he sang out three Who’s and I answered back with three of my own who’s. It went on like that for about 8-10 rounds of Owl Who and Human Who. One of us finally stopped but there seemed to be a real connection. Maybe I am making it all up but somehow I don’t think that is true. When they first started appearing I wondered was this something to do with death? Isn’t that what owls mean? But, it didn’t really feel that way. They...the few and differing encounters I had, from owl dreams to having them fly in front of me a few times, my cat masquerading as an owl, to tonight, with the singing field we created...he/she and I. Who? Who? Who? Such a longing question. Who? Who? Who? Do we ever get an answer and is that why the question goes on and on and on? I wonder. I wondered and so I googled. I have a deck of Jamie Sam’s Medicine Cards and card # 21 is Owl. Here is what it says:<br />
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“Owl is a creature of the night and has been symbolically associated with wisdom because it can see what others cannot. It is the only bird that flies in total silence.</div>
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As a power animal, Owl encourages you to develop your intuitive abilities and inner senses, and to seek the knowledge that is hidden from most people. Owl is a protector and will help you to discern more readily the motives and intentions of others, especially those who may attempt to deceive you or take advantage of you in some way. Owl also helps you to recognize that there is a dark side to your nature that should not be ignored or repressed. You need to see that it is there so you can come to terms with it.</div>
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Owl is symbolic of discernment and the need to look out for deception. You have to see to know. You have to know to see.</div>
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Honor intuition. Use discernment. Outsmart deception. Trust your first impressions.”</div>
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So, I am trusting my first impression which is to communicate with Owl, to engage. You have to see to know. You have to know to see. Who? Who? Who? Well, that would be me...and you, and you, and you. That’s Who.</div>
Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-53858773082795293992018-03-09T21:03:00.000-07:002018-10-02T15:22:49.101-06:00Just one drop<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just one drop</div>
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In a sea of billions</div>
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Of drops</div>
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That is what I am</div>
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It has been almost two years since my last blog post. I think this is a perfect time to come back. My last post was about the magical loving place known as a musical festival of the folk variety. It was my first but certainly not my last. I didn’t go to that particular one last year but I am so looking forward to going back this year. </div>
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Music. Festival. Loving. Living. Harmony. Melody</div>
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My first music festival was a small private affair in the middle of nowhere somewhere in the desert southwest. I had agonized about going. I was still married then but we were heading for the ending that was coming. I didn’t quite know it then nor did I have the freedom to know what that would feel like so I was still in the frozen place that was my confidence to do/be who I was. But, in spite of the agony of do I go, do I not go, should i invite him to go, do I want him there, no I don’t, am I allowed to feel that way?...I went. I went without him and I had an amazingly relaxing time where I felt free to be where there were happy, music loving, accepting people. People that wanted to be there and wanted to be there with other happy, music loving, accepting people. I had found my people.</div>
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I remember laying there in my tent that first night as others were arriving late, car doors opening and closing at least a hundred times and I remember thinking how mad that would have made him had he been there and how it didn’t bother me in the least.</div>
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The feeling at that folk music festival (and every one I have been to since) gave me the most connected feeling to a bunch of fellow inhabitors of this planet, I have ever felt. </div>
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Connection. One of the myriad values that I am embracing as mine own. Like drops in the ocean are connected so are we. </div>
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Since my, what now seems inevitable, divorce, I have been to several more folk festivals. They have all been the same amount of amazing. I have met new beautiful, talented Beings and have enriched existing friendships and family relationships so I know I am on to something good for me here. </div>
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This coming May I am going back to that small private affair and there is no agonizing this time. I just say YES to going and to enjoying and being a part of the love that is a folk festival. I don’t agonize about too much these days. At least not like I did then. I still have things being worked out, being worked on and stuff of that nature. I would like to bring this blog back to life so if you like what you read here and havent’t subscribed...maybe try that now. :-) I feel like this is a friend I am writing to so let’s just say that we are. Friends. Connection. Just One Drop.</div>
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<br />Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-42612564481510238272016-05-24T18:59:00.002-06:002016-05-24T18:59:36.979-06:00Where were we?<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">Where were we </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">I had asked</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">I think that we were </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">in a magical place</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;"> </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">where people are loving and kind </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">They shared what was theirs with others </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">and they shared in return </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">They were happy and blessed </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">to be in this place </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">They came as equals </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">and left as friends </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">But the very best part of this place </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">was the energy of love </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">that was there </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">for them all </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">to embrace in the music</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">the smiles, the warmth </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">They were free to embrace </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">that love energy </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">that was given to each one </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">and each one extending </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">back out again </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">which only made it stronger </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">and more pure </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">It was a magical place</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">That's where we were</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleTallBody; font-size: 19px;">#roadtorichs #weareallone</span>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-19230934077323312292016-04-11T21:11:00.000-06:002016-04-11T21:12:12.798-06:00A kayak lesson<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I could kayak here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am taking a kayak lesson tomorrow evening. Here in the desert. Not at the sea...but maybe someday I will. Kayak in the sea that is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am feeling the winds of change. I am feeling things I have never before felt in my life. Strange is change. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am becoming a vegetarian. I have never really liked meat. Well, maybe bacon...some. I am giving it up though. Except when it smells really good and I just can't go without at least a bite. As my sister says about her vegetarianism/sometimes veganism...it isn't a religion. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I also started coloring. My friend and neighbor down the road gave me two adult coloring books and a 60 pack of colored pens. Glorious! Who knew?? I LOVE this activity where I can just BE with color and making design and getting completely lost in the moment and the pure joy of coloring. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It kind of makes it hard to get anything else done but...but...is there anything else to do really? Okay, maybe I should eat...a little.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have done much reflection this winter. I have gone within and found myself there. That can be a scary place if you aren't wearing your seat belt. I read Anne Lamott yesterday. She says that Grace is when you ask for Help...but warns you to wear your seat belt after asking...no one told me that so I have been feeling kind of catapulted. I think I am just kind of rocking at the moment. You know like when your 3 year old grandson doesn't want you to leave to go the 800 miles back home and he rocks you while you are hugging him goodbye? Yeah, like that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am spending time alone. I am so grateful for the opportunity to do this. I am finding out that I am an okay person by myself. I think I thought I would be lonely by myself. I don't think I gave my Self enough credit. My Self kinda likes being alone so she can know what she hears in her heart is her thoughts, her wants, her needs. That is all that is asked of at this time. Oh. That isn't too much to ask. No. That sounds like the kind of thing that might actually be expected in this life. Oh. I didn't realize. Be still then and listen. Nice...hear that music? I like that station on Pandora. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, these are some of my thoughts on a Monday evening in the mountain desert of New Mexico. It is supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow. Do you know how very exciting that is to desert dwellers? Mucho!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am taking a kayak lesson tomorrow evening. Here in the desert. Not at the sea...but maybe someday I will. Kayak in the sea that is.</span></div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-33614286495814959372015-09-05T14:42:00.001-06:002015-09-05T14:42:45.896-06:00Reflections of a Rag Rug<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been weaving since 1997. Since that time I have been collecting rags in the form of old sheets, clothes and other fabrics. One end of my attic is full of baskets of discarded fabric of one type or another. One basket is just full of old jeans. And all alone they have sat for years and years. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Back when I first started weaving I wanted to save up enough of this scrap fabric to someday make rag rugs but in the meantime I learned to weave with wool yarn, cotton yarn and the wondrous chenille yarns that make such soft and sultry scarves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was first introduced to weaving at an art festival in Magdalena, NM. I fell in love with Navajo weaving and watched in utter amazement as a wonderful Navajo woman named Isabel wove while sitting on a pillow on the floor. It was magical how she skillfully wove each piece of weft yarn by hand in and out of the warp. I was mesmerized. Next I saw Swedish looms</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> and the colorful rugs and tapestries that the woman in this weaving community had on the walls of the display.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had never considered myself crafty or creative but this...this I wanted to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I bought a Swedish loom from a neighbor down the road that happened to be a successful weaver, well known in the weaving circles of my state and beyond. The loom was then 25 years old and she had maintained it lovingly. It is a beautiful piece of furniture that,, once purchased, became a working piece of art in the home we had just built. And then I bought a book and taught myself to weave. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was in 1997 and I still weave on that loom. My husband built me a Navajo style loom then too but I never did get the hang of the tension of the warp. I never actually completed my first project on it. Probably because the talented Navajo women teach their craft to others orally and by demonstrations and not by writing books so it was just harder to learn. But I did learn how to make all of the staples on my Swedish floor loom. Staples like scarves and place mats, baby blankets...all the easy but fun stuff. I gave most of it away as gifts and sold a few things too. It was fun and I even thought I would sell my weaving for a living and in 2005 I quit my job to build our second, and current, straw bale home and then I was going to switch careers and weave full time. That didn't happen and in fact I took a 3 year hiatus from weaving. But slowly I got around to weaving again and when I did it was with rags. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I finally completed my first rag rug a few years ago. I had a couple of hurdles to get past and it took me a long time to figure them out. One was that I hate to sew. All of that fabric in those baskets were going to need to be cut up. That was actually the first hurdle. Cutting up jeans, shirts and whatever else had accumulated in those baskets over the years was going to be painful...literally... to cut each "rag" into the strips I was going to need to fashion a rug out of these seeming rags. And then the second hurdle...sewing the short strips into long ones. Did I mention I hate to sew? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over the years I met a few rag rug experts at shows and shops. I learned two important concepts... the tearing of sheets into strips and, the best of all, NO sewing needed. The sewing machine that I bought several years ago still sits, mostly untouched. I don't care. If you saw the shirt I attempted to make for myself in Home Ec class you would understand my disdain. You would also understand my new found glee that it wouldn't be necessary to dust off that machine and become one with it after all. </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdfrdEhPMz8/Ves1zxu1luI/AAAAAAAAB6o/7lYk8lN9DRo/s1600/15%2B-%2B2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdfrdEhPMz8/Ves1zxu1luI/AAAAAAAAB6o/7lYk8lN9DRo/s320/15%2B-%2B2" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is my third rag rug. Its dimensions are 33X66" and it is called </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Raspberry Cactus Sky</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The part of weaving a rag rug that I love the most is what is captured in the photo above. As I put together different color of sheets, warp yarn and accent pieces I have a general idea of the color combination but I have absolutely no idea what those combinations are going to create as a finished rug. And the beauty of that is I don't even know what the creation is until I take it off the loom and unroll it. But for each 6-8" that I have in front of me at all times I have ongoing glimpses of what the finale will look like. I am fascinated at each crank of the loom wheel. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is a humbling sort of experience for me. I love how the rug actually seems to make itself. I just place the different color fabric in random order. Sometimes following a sequence I become comfortable with and other times totally changing it up just to see what comes into my 6-8" window next.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then when I unroll it I get to see what it is that it wanted to be. I am as astounded as anyone could be by what my eyes behold. And this brings me much joy. </span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S4sDS61f4ZU/Ves1z1F9_-I/AAAAAAAAB64/x8hVIVEBowQ/s1600/15%2B-%2B3" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S4sDS61f4ZU/Ves1z1F9_-I/AAAAAAAAB64/x8hVIVEBowQ/s320/15%2B-%2B3" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am almost done braiding the ends and then my beautiful Raspberry Cactus Sky will be for sale. I am selling my rugs for $150 presently. I think this is a fair price at this point. I have been weaving for 18 years minus that 3 year break so there is a bit of experience in the mix. If you are interested let me know via email at terri.sunflower@gmail.com</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you have read to this point I thank you. I want to write about weaving as a way to honor the act of the craft itself. Selling a rug or two while doing that would be a bonus and was an afterthought so don't feel obligated just because you read to this point. In fact, I would love a comment or two about this blog and anything you've read here on Rainwalker Mesa. Life is good here. Thanks for stopping by... </span><br />
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-51435982530069639392015-08-15T14:59:00.001-06:002015-08-15T14:59:38.246-06:00Love Energy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Right Now</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this moment I feel grateful to have the tiniest inkling of what I really am</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stillness</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be still with me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sit here and feel what I am</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't try to create it, it is already</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Release all gripping</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is nothing to hang on to anyway</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Know this present energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This wave or thread</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This ripple of energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This love is you</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let go and relax into that</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is who we are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though we aren't even a who</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We just are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The man sitting across from you exists in this same reality</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He is energy...Love Energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The body this energy resides with</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is eventually only dust</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The real man over there isn't a man at all</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is no gender, no race, nor class</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This God that your religions talks about</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is this same Love Energy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only difference is that it knows what</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is in every moment</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of which, there is only one</span></div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-83127938485780034222015-02-20T16:53:00.000-07:002015-02-20T16:53:14.995-07:00Love has always been the answer...but what does it mean to love yourself?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if we could change this world we see?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if we could think something new?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would that be too scary?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if we could change me and you?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our thoughts have the power to make it all look gray</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our words have the power to to take it all away</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our actions have the power to hurt or to heal</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nothing really matters 'cept how we feel</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a way to change the story</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is an idea for us to ponder</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reach inside for all the answers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you can imagine you must wonder</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The world we see right now</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Isn't the only reality</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can think new thoughts and make it better</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A better world for you and me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It will take a lot to make this work</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are no more prophets to hear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are the ones that have come</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To save us from a world of fear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love has always been the answer</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We must be our own best friends</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love ourselves to love another</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then the cycle of hate will end</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wrote this poem last week and will likely turn it into a song as I am long to do these days. But I questioned myself this morning about what it means to love ourselves. I have given this advice to two people I love recently and both of them were hurting at the time. It didn't exactly fall on deaf ears but I could feel the question...how do I do that exactly when I feel so bad right now??</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Does it mean that you try your best to fall in love with the human characteristics that make up what we appear to be on the outside? I think not. I think it means that we come to a place where we are in touch with the LOVE that IS us. To love ourselves means that we go inside and get acquainted with the LOVE that is always there, always present, because it cannot not be. That is what my friend Noelle is referring to when she tells someone they are "magnificent". It doesn't mean the art you just created or the song I just wrote nor how shiny your hair is nor how bright your smile may be. And yet it does because it also refers to the LOVE within you that is shining outward because you tapped into it and allowed it to be shared. That is when we are loving yourselves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We don't always feel good about life. We have good days and bad days but that love is always there inside ready to guide us to be at peace in this moment no matter what is going on in our outside world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But how to access this wondrous balm we are all ARE? I suppose it is different for each of us. I don't know anything for sure. There are lots of books that have been written, lots of songs that have been sung about love and how to find it. For me, it is to go inside and notice that inner silence, the still small voice and sit with her, get to know the LOVE there. Sometimes it comes to me when journaling and a poem just comes out of nowhere (just like the one I wrote on this page). This is when I feel connected and at peace. It is as if a muscle because the more I go there the easier it becomes to hear and feel this true self, the inner voice that is this energy I call LOVE. Others call it God and I don't mind that at all. It is what we are, what we have always been and what we will forever be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, on those bad days when someone tells you to love yourself more, before we hit them or walk away in disgust, maybe we could remember who and what we really are and feel that love for ourselves. I like to think of it as the love I knowingly give to my grandchildren with that really sincere smile on my face going inward as a gift to myself. It feels really good when I remember to do that when I am otherwise feeling bad. That is what it means to be your own best friend. Allow yourself to give to you what you give to others. Like praise and patience, time and tenderness. We so easily give it to the ones we love...hmm. Ones we love but not ourselves...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love has always been the answer and maybe THAT is what is means to love ourselves. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can change the way we see the world</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can think something new</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can love ourselves and each other</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can change me and you</span><br />
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-31529805529437119712014-09-02T16:43:00.000-06:002014-09-02T19:10:08.869-06:00Reflections<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is it a lake full of clouds or a sky full of water</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are we bodies with a soul or souls with bodies</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Does life happen while we are awake during the day </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or dreaming at night</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is one person wrong and the other one right</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who are we really and why are we here</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What is real and what is only perception</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see the clouds in the lake and the lake in the sky</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Am I the only one having this misconception</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So many questions running through my head</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While I have been distracted by pain and lying in my bed</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meditating and pondering on what has been said</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thinking of the future and where I have been led</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Going within...I get comfortable here</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Slowly making connection to Source</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is undeniably there</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can find all the answers inside if I dare</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To slow down and listen to my Inner Being</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The wise, calming Presence</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The life force that gently guides me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is my Eternal Essence</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But seldom do I hear it</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When there's too much noise inside my </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">head </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Over the years that seems to be changing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am allowing and opening instead</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just breathe, in and out</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get quiet and very still</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remember and feel the Divine</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can Be that if I will</span></div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-63326921806471085122013-09-22T18:53:00.001-06:002014-09-02T19:19:09.780-06:00Mother Nature, a song<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I sort of challenged my self to write a new song the other day while watching the sun set and here it is...<br />
The sun is setting...pinks and gold<br />
Color the sky, beautiful and bold<br />
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Mother Nature has a way of making me feel small<br />
The problems of this world<br />
Aren't Her problems at all.<br />
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Sun and moon, stars and sky<br />
Never fail to make me wonder why<br />
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The rain has fallen on the desert land<br />
The smell reminds me that my senses can<br />
Appreciate the wonder and awe<br />
That life begins again and again<br />
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Mother nature has a way of making me feel small<br />
And the problems of this world aren't Her problems at all<br />
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Sun and moon, stars and sky never fail to make me wonder why<br />
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The sun is setting, the day is nearly done<br />
The trials and tribulations...they could never have won..cuz<br />
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Mother Nature has a way of making me feel small<br />
And the problems of this world, aren't Her problems at all.<br />
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Sun and moon, stars and sky never fail to make me wonder why...wonder why.<br />
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-30920922435349084432013-09-05T22:08:00.000-06:002013-09-08T11:19:07.821-06:00September Skies at Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The milky Way<br />
September skies<br />
At night<br />
Makes me think<br />
Of times gone by<br />
When first I laid eyes on them<br />
Searching for something else<br />
Ever since that moment<br />
So small in the Universe<br />
The millions of eyes in the<br />
Night glow of the September<br />
Night skies stare back at me<br />
All knowing<br />
Even in the daylight<br />
When those skies are brilliant blue<br />
They spy, those knowing skies<br />
They spy and wonder who<br />
Who am I to stare beyond my universe,<br />
My world and wonder what<br />
What it is I came here for<br />
And what it is I should do<br />
Maybe there is someone there<br />
There beyond the clouds<br />
staring back down at me<br />
And wondering<br />
Wondering how<br />
How it is that they are there<br />
There beyond my view<br />
Viewing their world<br />
Their universe<br />
And never wondering who.<br />
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-54737471469668790862013-03-10T11:21:00.001-06:002013-03-10T11:21:52.905-06:00Picture Perfect<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"The perfect outcomes are already selected. The right path will be revealed and perfectly shown." I am becoming "one who peacefully trusts this process."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those first two sentences came from a prayer I read today written to welcome in the new moon tomorrow. The third sentence I changed up just a bit because I AM changing and becoming more accepting of who I am and how I got to be this person that I am today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am not perfect to anyone else but me. Unless you have the ability to see others as perfect exactly as they are in this moment. That is what I am birthing with this new moon. Not perfection but birthing the ability to see things, people, situations as perfect in their respective moments. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Change me O Divine Beloved into one who can breathe and relax into this holy birth...allowing all to open and unfold just as it needs."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Everything happens for a reason. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have always believed these words to be true. Sometimes it is hard to find or see the reason but that doesn't mean that it isn't there right in front of us. Sometimes we don't want to see the reason. Sometimes we just want to be angry or hurt or let our ego run amok so that if we saw the reason we would be forced to reason with the logic of the everything that has happened. Read that one again if you need to because that my friends is what I have learned from my life in the last week. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was forced to reason with logic (and my heart and soul) and find the real reason that a simple phone call had upset me so. What a gift!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Triggers. You have heard of trigger points in the body...those little tight balls of pain in your neck and shoulders? Yes? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, our emotions and feelings have trigger points as well. They are there for a reason. They are there for us to go inside...way deep down inside at times and press even harder on those points until they tell us why it is they are there. Patterns. Usually you have developed a pattern in relation to how you cope with certain stimuli in your life. These patterns can be very helpful in times of stress but can also be very hurtful if they are not allowing you to feel the emotions you need to feel...and release.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Feel and release. Have you ever been too afraid to feel something? Have you known that maybe you have stuffed some emotion in your past because at the time you weren't ready to deal with it? Later, maybe you thought now, now I can let that come up for me and get it out. But as soon as you start to reflect on the occasion it feels pretty painful again so you just stuff it back down there for a better day. Try to just feel and release instead of stuffing it back down again. Feeling it for the moment doesn't mean dwelling in it. It doesn't mean reliving it. It only means that you recognize that the event caused you some pain, anger, fear, whatever and that you now release it from your being. That way the trigger gets released and you move on. You begin to feel lighter and more confident that you could just possibly start to feel and release even more and deeper trigger points in your emotional body. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Another revelation I had this week is that as caregivers...many of us are walking around as wounded healers. We are constantly in search for better cures, better methodologies and better outcomes for the ones we are caring for. As healthcare professionals we are usually in search of these things for our patients, clients, family and friends. But let's go back to the wounded healer because that is where we get off track. In search of these new treatments we forget that it is us that is really needing them and we neglect our own healing. We go to seminars, learn new skills, go off on tangents of new age, alternative health so that our knowledge base will increase. What we don't remember though is that the knowledge is within us. Everything we need to know to heal ourselves is inside us right now. You don't have to be a healthcare professional or alternative healer to be in this scenario but if you are you may, if your anger, hurts and ego will step aside, see yourself here. Ask yourself why do I keep learning and learning, giving and giving and still I have unresolved issues that I cannot seem to be done with. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think it is because we are trying to help others before we help ourselves and that in doing so we can never get to a place of healing. I have now been a nurse half my life. I am only now finding the healing that I have so desperately needed and I did not find it by learning new healing skills other than what I already had inside me. I am learning acceptance. I am learning forgiveness. I am learning unconditional love. For me, those are the skills that I can use for myself to feel and release, to become the best version of me that I can be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to acknowledge that there are people in my life that I am very blessed to have that help me help myself. Some are family and some are not but they are all my best friends in the very sense of those two words. They don't just tell me what I want to hear. They challenge me to think and feel and become the best version of me that I can be. I want to thank each and every one of you. You make me smile on the inside! And I love you so...</span></div>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-33747752645826333982012-12-09T11:07:00.003-07:002012-12-09T11:07:43.447-07:00Sunshine on a cloudy day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a 30% chance of snow today. It is supposed to be cloudy out there...how else would we get snow if not for clouds but there are none. The land is very dry. We had a wonderful Monsoon season this year but once that faucet dried up so did everything else. Do I care what the weather brings? Does it matter if the forecasters are wrong in their predictions and we don't get that blessed moisture the mesa so dearly desires? Maybe not. If everything happens for a reason then there is a reason that the sun is shining when it is supposed to be cloudy. Maybe somewhere in these west central mountains of New Mexico someone is sitting sadly in their home unable to face a day of clouds. Maybe the sunshine is just what they need to make it through another day.It is supposed to get colder here as well. High of 44 they say...it is 10:30 in the morning and my thermometer reads 47. Maybe that same person might be able to go outside and take a little walkabout because it isn't cloudy and oh-so cold. Who of us knows what we each need in this very moment? Is there really a little voice in our heads or hearts that we could listen to and know exactly in each in every moment what we need? I would say yes. I would say that if we could get quiet and listen we would hear that soothing voice inside telling us what to do or where to be or to just breathe. I listened to that voice inside me this past week and wrote a letter that needed to be written to someone I have never met. I mailed that letter too and it felt good. I did what I said I was going to do and that alone felt good, empowering. I might never know if the letter will have any effect on the person(s) it was intended for but that is okay too. My voice inside told me that what mattered most was that I wrote it and I sent it and for me my work was done. It is up to the receiver to listen to their own voice, or not. That is a good lesson for me as well. I can only listen to my inner voice and I cannot make anyone else listen to theirs...no matter how loud I might want to speak I am not their inner voice now am I? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, it isn't looking like snow today. It is creeping toward the middle of December already. Many people have decorated for the holidays and are going to parties to celebrate the season. My husband and I were guests of my parents last night at the Historical Society's annual Christmas party. It was nice to go and see so many people taking part in the community that we live in out here in this vast land with more elk per square mile than humans. There was a lovely harpist playing in the background...music is food for the soul. Music is what sustains us in so many instances. I have been learning to play the guitar for the last couple of years and have found my singing voice in the process. What I have learned is that if I am playing and singing for my own enjoyment then it is food for MY soul but if I am worried about how I sound to others then it is depleting instead of nourishing. I cannot have my soul starving so I play for me. Doing the things that bring us joy whether musically related or not may be the most important things we can do for ourselves while we are here...in this life. If you aren't doing the things that bring you joy what are you doing? I think I might be very blessed to have gleaned this little tidbit and therefore I am going to endeavor to remember to do the things, or at least one of them, every day. Today, I am writing...this brings me joy. The thermometer continues to rise...the sky is still blue...it brings me joy to be outside and take a walk so before those clouds decide to materialize I am going to get out there and breathe in the sunshine and relative warmth while it lasts! May we all do something that bring us joy. What a happy world we would have...many blessings to you this day!</span>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-84621977283000306192012-11-26T09:45:00.000-07:002014-09-02T19:48:58.838-06:00Black Friday...has a new meaning for me now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I met a beautiful, artistic, and firecracker of a woman in April of this year in a town about an hour away. My husband met her before I did and remarked to me that I would certainly find in her a friend...he said we were cut from the same cloth. We hit it off immediately and had an opportunity in May to spend some time together as we drove four hours for an all day workshop the next day. We talked the entire trip, on breaks from the class and all the way home and found lots in common. Except for one thing. She had breast cancer. She, after being treated harshly and "like a number", by a surgeon in the biggest city in our rural state, decided to go the natural path to wellness. She was seeing a Naturopath doctor and eating only whole foods, drinking teas, taking lots of supplements and other alternative treatments. I, being a nurse, had slightly mixed feelings </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">about her choice but was convinced by her enthusiasm that she was doing the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">right thing for herself. In fact, I grew to admire her decision and applauded her commitment to the strict regimen of her natural treatments. Her husband, who I have not yet met (but sounded a bit like my own), supported her in her decision. Her sisters however, gave her quite the hard time over it and attempted to change her mind at every opportunity. She came from a big family and was the baby so that must have been somewhat intimidating for her. Time went by as it always does and I hadn't seen her since July. I knew at that time that she was having tests done to check the progress of the cancer and make sure things were on track. I never found out the outcome of those tests as they were being put off at the time. In early November I learned that things had gotten much worse for her and that she was in hospital in and that the town was having a benefit to help raise money for her hospital bills. One person told me..."at least she is now getting treatment", which I took to mean </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">chemotherapy. She must have been feeling so defeated. I prayed for her but did not make the three hour journey to visit her in hospital as our time together was so brief I felt like it was a time for family and not a passing (if not friendly) stranger. Last night I heard at my own dinner table that she passed away on Friday...BLACK Friday to be exact. She left behind her husband and one son, in his early to mid 20's who was attending university. I am so saddened by this news. No, we didn't have a long history together but there was certainly a connection. One of those connections where, when you meet, you feel like you had known them your whole life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am still proud of my friend for making the decision she made in treating her body of this horrid disease. She didn't fail. She succumbed in the end but not without taking a journey that she might never had taken otherwise. She found that life is more than mean people, more than being a number, and more than just doing what you are told to do by those who consider themselves the authority. I will miss her, I already do. </span></div>
Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-49676869452985415672012-07-28T19:32:00.002-06:002012-07-28T19:34:38.446-06:00Grandkids come to the Mesa!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCrMWdx6YIYjg0R8inZoysuFLUA3KNPBSfEC4PsY1PE95dU2Bk6LY_DkdGsaIwDeJPgGubFYikn-IP-3ww8lgnZo8tHdAxFYhiEeRhcMWr9k1lAtHISveY9Ej5py1wqW-B3uYDoZRrjw/s1600/014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCrMWdx6YIYjg0R8inZoysuFLUA3KNPBSfEC4PsY1PE95dU2Bk6LY_DkdGsaIwDeJPgGubFYikn-IP-3ww8lgnZo8tHdAxFYhiEeRhcMWr9k1lAtHISveY9Ej5py1wqW-B3uYDoZRrjw/s320/014.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My son Josh and wife, Nichole and their boys Jamie and Landen came to visit last week. It is a 16 hour drive and my daughter in law is pregnant so it was a an awesome gift that they gave us in coming. Plus they brought our granddaughter, their niece, Annie, which was very generous indeed. We are so grateful to them for making the long trek...here are some of the highlights from the visit.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrovUKXXvFzU1Lt3vL402xCjuksVrZ_JPMew-zC8TmKP1css8abfcOCyTiO5kqZDV0Lhw6W92RQrNdhikOLjGXLX6Bgil20I9hOOQBVxMxDEpQr6GBUgCUxWQTsgXOG40sDNaA24AZ8M/s1600/005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrovUKXXvFzU1Lt3vL402xCjuksVrZ_JPMew-zC8TmKP1css8abfcOCyTiO5kqZDV0Lhw6W92RQrNdhikOLjGXLX6Bgil20I9hOOQBVxMxDEpQr6GBUgCUxWQTsgXOG40sDNaA24AZ8M/s320/005.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our granddaughter Annie is a beauty and a charmer. Her beautiful smile will win over the worst of moods on anyone! Our DIL Nichole, who is having yet another boy, spent 20 minutes blow-drying and curling her lovely hair. I snapped the photo before the evidence of the hard work disappeared.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGGyEnITndSAEB9lOtksHOQfDP5ovh_okD9unukqibdfWTwX65Glb90Cc6bRywBeb4O07R7yh-r3N5uI70b4jYwYh9gA8dgwcKDNU7kSllXzKgh6ZChh2mZTXb9J_ZGrJ-shBvPOhBG-0/s1600/016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGGyEnITndSAEB9lOtksHOQfDP5ovh_okD9unukqibdfWTwX65Glb90Cc6bRywBeb4O07R7yh-r3N5uI70b4jYwYh9gA8dgwcKDNU7kSllXzKgh6ZChh2mZTXb9J_ZGrJ-shBvPOhBG-0/s320/016.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These 3 kiddos can ham it up at a moment's notice and they do a pretty good job don't you think?! After this shot we went for a picnic on Rainwalker Mesa while the parents went to Pie Town for lunch and PIE!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Grampa is having just way too much fun here!! Hang on tight kids!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The great grandparents got a visit too. Nice to have us all on one mesa top eh? Josh and Nichole helped Grandpa and Grandma paint a doorway and put up a screen door on their new house. Thanks guys!!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5gvsUA3lR2xpv6tD6U7e7otRBNh1wnf-h0T_-qWSUW8sSgeVuMsGHozA94eNfV9lg1HYZ7gH5WzBXa2tchPgc19h9H3RnbQDk1dzurwS9CcpPVH6X1sUxEEnRxFeeQaqcZT9wLgdZMCA/s1600/047.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5gvsUA3lR2xpv6tD6U7e7otRBNh1wnf-h0T_-qWSUW8sSgeVuMsGHozA94eNfV9lg1HYZ7gH5WzBXa2tchPgc19h9H3RnbQDk1dzurwS9CcpPVH6X1sUxEEnRxFeeQaqcZT9wLgdZMCA/s320/047.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, here is my favorite part...Annie is singing while Jamie plays the guitar in the background. You know I am in heaven here!!! Annie loved the microphone. She was hesitant at first but she really got the hang of it. Jamie just beamed with a guitar in his hand. Someday I hope, as he gets a little older, that he picks it up again and outshines his Emma in his talent and ability! In the meantime I have written another song that I have dedicated to him. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHOrCPjk0QT7FU7u6mT8iMCAIfQeHIoIj5loYtCvitX5Rl1Wn0D7Pf1Lxldh0eQucNNiW0HQzOqfd0WFzEk-8EqCBv8qBgtqkjjHcDkmYLN0Lg3fj3VIE-fxcbrkR50KStFExTIs8ehgk/s1600/023.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHOrCPjk0QT7FU7u6mT8iMCAIfQeHIoIj5loYtCvitX5Rl1Wn0D7Pf1Lxldh0eQucNNiW0HQzOqfd0WFzEk-8EqCBv8qBgtqkjjHcDkmYLN0Lg3fj3VIE-fxcbrkR50KStFExTIs8ehgk/s320/023.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Annie and our newest family member, Kittybird, hit it off nicely. Kittybird takes a lovely picture doesn't she?</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4R_YaqoxJQMp1Mb-SkgWLWQXbmS321Umr5kwhIvtQNdzUJgsczHfFJ89hU-Pg5nZkOmHmfzFi2W6G0-g9pi3A-FdO8T8yW2_ALpAAm0bEyL9t060eN9kqUPq3vm4KSnd4KanTsjTHJtM/s1600/049.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4R_YaqoxJQMp1Mb-SkgWLWQXbmS321Umr5kwhIvtQNdzUJgsczHfFJ89hU-Pg5nZkOmHmfzFi2W6G0-g9pi3A-FdO8T8yW2_ALpAAm0bEyL9t060eN9kqUPq3vm4KSnd4KanTsjTHJtM/s320/049.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We went on a quick hike at the Datil Well before going to milk the goat that provides me with the milk I drink. The kids loved Emma's goat milk!! Yay!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Emma and Jamie at the Luna Rodeo. The kids had never been to a rodeo before and it was quite a hit! Our visit was very special and many wonderful memories were made. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is hard to explain what it is like to have grandchildren. They are more than the children of your children but at the same time that is what makes it so special. Thank you to all my children for giving me this pleasure in my life!</span>
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Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com1Datil, NM 87821, USA34.1449543 -107.842962534.1318128 -107.8627035 34.158095800000005 -107.8232215tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-28706637405539045032011-12-06T08:30:00.000-07:002011-12-06T08:30:18.621-07:00One Last Request<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Twenty five years ago today I gave birth to my second son, Joshua Ray. Twenty five years ago I had a friend named Janet dying of brain cancer. Janet was 24, married but had no children of her own. We had been friends since I let her cheat on a math test in 10th grade...my first year in Arkansas. She was a fun loving person and we were very good friends. She got married young and so did I and as life would have it we saw each other less frequently as time went on. She was diagnosed with cancer while I was in Nursing school and when she had the surgery I went to her house and did dressing changes...scared out of my mind, I was! I took her to some of her radiation appointments and watched as she realized it wasn't helping.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometime during my pregnancy with Josh she asked me, what was for her, a huge favor...would I name my baby after her if I had a girl. Her name was Janet May and I so wanted to fulfill her request and finally settled on Tracy Janette as a way to honor her. The one thing I wanted to know about this child growing inside me was if indeed I was having a daughter. I already had a son and really did want a little girl but mostly wanted like we all do...a healthy child. My baby was due to be born on November 25th and that November was a long one. I had several ultrasounds and each time the baby was turned so that the sex of the child was a mystery. I actually fell once late in the pregnancy and had even more look-sees to make sure everything was alright and still...the mystery. November 25th came and went and no birth. Every day I waited for those contractions to start but they didn't come. Finally, on December 5th my doctor put me in the hospital to induce labor. They did indeed induce false labor but still my baby didn't budge! They stopped the medicine and said if I didn't deliver over night they would send me back home! I was 10 days overdue and they were going to send me home? I was a bit frustrated and overwhelmed by then but as soon as the clock struck the new day...now officially December 6th and also as fate would have it, Janet's birthday, I started into labor. The nurses realized the physical reason for my delay in delivering my baby...a breach birth was imminent and at 4 in the morning they wheeled me off to deliver with a C-section room set up just in case. I delivered that baby without the aid of surgery at 4:40 Am on December 6th and finally was able to see for myself that I would not be able to fulfill her last request. <b>Joshua Ray</b> was born and within a minute I looked up at his father and said...this will be my last child, no more, I'm done! I don't know when it hit me that I may not have had a <i>girl</i> that I could name after Janet but I had <i>him</i> on her last birthday. I held my excitement and waited until 7 that morning to call her. She lived another 5 months but that morning she was the most excited I had ever seen her. She came to see Josh and myself that morning and it was so evident that she was succumbing to the cancer in her body except for that sparkle in her eyes and the smile so big on her face. I felt like I had given her a gift after all even though I really had nothing to do with it except go with the flow. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thanks for being my friend Janet May Howell and gracing me with your fun and always real self. I have told this story of you and my son having the same birthday at least 25 times as every year on his birthday my thoughts turn to you. Rest in peace Janet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy birthday my beautiful son. You were kept inside me 11 extra days by the pull of that wonderful all-knowing Universe and its everlasting wisdom. It is snowing outside as I look out the window this morning just as it did then...remembering that day twenty five years ago when in ways I hadn't imagined, I fulfilled that <i>one last request</i>. I love you so much!</span><br />
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</span>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-17971238239260717762011-12-02T14:34:00.000-07:002011-12-02T14:34:20.208-07:00A holiday greeting<div class="sflyProductPreviewWidget" style="height: 494px; width: 425px;"><div class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetTop" style="background-image: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/top.gif); height: 6px;"></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetCenter" style="background-image: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/bg.gif); background-repeat: repeat-y; height: 482px; padding: 0 6px 0 6px;"><div class="sflyProductPreviewLogo" style="height: 34px; padding: 14px 0 0 14px; width: 105px;"><img src="http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/logo.gif" style="background: #ffffff; border: none; box-shadow: none; padding: 0;" /></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewContainer" style="height: 350px; padding: 0; text-align: center;"><a href="http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=3KauGTZmwlo&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET&eid=118"><img src="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/prs/v1/3KauGTZnA/3KauGTZnDCSg/p/67b0de21b3127d902548/JPEG/1322861586000/0/" style="background: #ffffff; border: none; box-shadow: none; padding: 0;" /></a></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewMessageContainer" style="background-color: #f4f4e9; height: 55px; line-height: 19px; padding: 15px 0 15px 0; text-align: center;"><div class="sflyProductPreviewTitle" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-seris; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold;"><span>Stationery card</span></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewViewCollection" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-seris; font-size: 13px;"><span>View the entire <a href="http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery" style="color: #6666cc;">collection</a> of cards.</span></div></div></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetBottom" style="background-image: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/bottom.gif); height: 6px;"></div></div>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-62263625432587570732011-10-01T11:14:00.000-06:002011-10-01T11:14:15.641-06:00Distractions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsio2PAoK-ZH289N0394mBhNwjSoGOxOoRrhzrVHPqPDeQ316_CAXHCQRqe3wCIEJHYtlIVPx_8789sxDqzcBwqsCButrFxCPHMykCNZBB9VlBBSR2CCqqCSTlyOJdji4zxvZokh10iI/s1600/IMG_1646.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsio2PAoK-ZH289N0394mBhNwjSoGOxOoRrhzrVHPqPDeQ316_CAXHCQRqe3wCIEJHYtlIVPx_8789sxDqzcBwqsCButrFxCPHMykCNZBB9VlBBSR2CCqqCSTlyOJdji4zxvZokh10iI/s320/IMG_1646.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Distraction</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What a road I have followed</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ever winding and long</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">distraction has taken me </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">to places that were wrong</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they were scary</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they were sad</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they were crazy </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> they were bad</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but I have you figured out</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">distraction of my mind</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">you tried to protect me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">make me think things were real</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">when you thought I couldn't cope</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">with the things I needed to feel</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">so now I am on to you</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and the pain has gone away</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">distraction is no longer with me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am free for many a day</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-59049546507176302012011-06-16T07:01:00.000-06:002011-06-16T07:01:31.514-06:00Our Victimness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQYNOJFW16Iq5Mo-lZ2RTn2pn3F2scwB0I0dCYYlOVgxBZ5h6-m7eGP2d7sV79XkE9yWnP7b0rX98tbvBdbwtTsqzpVnVVIzCMftQ4G2-kd62-VZ8bsJx81kRixmXUStCr9jQ5Bf1YhyE/s1600/IMG_0759.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQYNOJFW16Iq5Mo-lZ2RTn2pn3F2scwB0I0dCYYlOVgxBZ5h6-m7eGP2d7sV79XkE9yWnP7b0rX98tbvBdbwtTsqzpVnVVIzCMftQ4G2-kd62-VZ8bsJx81kRixmXUStCr9jQ5Bf1YhyE/s320/IMG_0759.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have you ever been a victim? Most of us probably have at one point or another in our lives and for a lot of folks it started in their childhood. Are you still a victim? That is the question isn't it? If you have ever been victimized did you get over it? Did you work through it and forgive yourself and the victimizer? Or do you carry with you at all times the hurt and anger still buried inside waiting for the next opportunity to rear it's ugly head? I always say there are two kinds of people in this world but once a decade or more ago I realized there are probably more...maybe 12 or 16. I think I settled on 16 back then. So, if there are 16 type of people in this world I am betting that at least one of those types are the people that hang on to being a victim. They were probably hurt more than other types of people that first time. Maybe they were abused as children with either violence or incest, maybe they were raped, assaulted or a victim of war, or other extreme violence. Some of these folks may have even repressed the original victimizing moment in their lives because it was too hard or they were too young to deal with the emotions it induced. Whatever the cause they are stuck. They continue to be a victim. They may be a victim to their bodies, to their relationships, to their financial situation, to their health, weight, wellness (or lack thereof) or to their job, living situation, family situation...do you see, the list is probably endless. Once a person gets stuck in the victim role it is very hard to get themselves out and why should they even try? I mean, it isn't their fault right? Someone did this to them, someone or something caused them hurt and now that is what they know in life to be the root feeling of their existence Does that mean they are never happy? Of course not but it does mean that for them pain and suffering is a normal part of their life that they accept as their lot. They may view life as a struggle...did they struggle a lot in their first trauma? They may view life as a weight around their necks...did they feel heavy, deadened in that first hurt? They may view life as painful...were they physically beaten or hurt in that first traumatic experience? Now fast forward to many years later...are they always struggling now, are they overweight and cannot lose it no matter what or do they have chronic illness, pain or physical ailments? Their victimness keeps getting transferred to the many stages of life as they continue moving forward but still they are stuck.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is there an answer? How can they move past the victimness and into a life where they are no longer victim to life's everyday-ness? I am not sure that they can but it seems to me that they should be able to forgive, forget, let go, and love themselves into acceptance of what was, what is and what will be. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am writing this with a migraine headache. I was victimized at a young age, I was hurt and I have had chronic pain all of my adult life. I continue to live in my victimness even though I am blessed with a wonderful life. I have a wonderful husband, a wonderful family and many beautiful loving friends. I live in paradise, I have a perfect job and I am for the most part very healthy. I am one of the 16 kinds of people that continue to hurt though. I have been trying to find cures for my pain for a very long time. I have been so very depressed at times that I have even thought of ending my life to get rid of the pain. My victimness is my body (my back, legs, neck, head, tummy, and pelvis) all of the parts of me that hurt chronically and for the most part daily!! Can I forgive, forget, let go, and love myself into acceptance of what was, what is and what will be? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My very best friend in the whole wide world, my husband, told me not long ago that he has absolute faith in his body to heal, to be in good health, and when he does have pain he knows in his core that it will go away. Maybe he is a victim too and it isn't manifested in his body but let's just stick to his way of thinking for this (my) example and ponder...is that the answer? Is it a belief in me that somehow during that initial trauma that my body failed me? That I don't have the faith that my body will heal, be in a state of health, or recover from pain? Just writing those words caused in me a stirring, a memory maybe of what beliefs I held in that moment living through that trauma. It rings true. How can I change that belief now? My body did not betray me...life did not betray me...love did not betray me. Can I forgive, forget, let go, and love myself into acceptance of what was, what is and what will be? And now, can I change the belief, probably a belief that I have held secretly from myself for a very, very long time that my body can't be trusted to heal, to love me, to hold me, to keep me safe? Hmmm, just maybe I can. Just maybe I can forgive, forget, let go, and love myself into acceptance of what was, what is and what will be AND I can believe that my body will heal, will live in a state of health, will keep me safe, will keep me safe, will keep me safe, will keep me safe. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is your victimness? Do you have a story? Are you stuck there? Can you see the pattern in your life? Are you one of the 16 kinds of people on this Earth that feels they were and still are a victim of unfortunate events? IF so, can you forgive, forget, let go, and love yourself into acceptance of what was, what is and what will be AND can you believe that whatever part of you remains a victim could now keep you safe? I hope so. I wish you love, understanding and healing. I wish for you the knowing that you have the ability to love and heal yourself, to hold yourself in that love and to know that love is all we need to be in that safe place we so desperately want to feel. We, the victimized can and shall be...the loved, the holders of safety and beauty and the lovers. So, go now, go and love yourself, go and forgive yourself, forget the hurts of the past, let go of your victimness, and love yourself into acceptance of what was (it was only a feeling of not being safe), what is (you are safe now) and what will be (have the faith that you are and will always be safe/love/health/beauty...whatever it is that keeps you stuck. It is no longer real, the threat is long gone...know this and that knowing will set you free. </span><br />
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</span>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-21000891354311507852011-03-26T14:57:00.000-06:002011-03-26T14:57:26.295-06:00Moonbeams and Daydreams<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwdvnMQA4QZXN5Xg0HRjc3KdpLjymQPqSHHgrqv9LG7VMpdVerO6HXUMvlQnQClNhVL7ucoxj6IEh0AWo8dW7FE_vot-nmouiExSzE8rEFaVkuJ4QPIApB4T8QkW1Qb5WphNWl_C49oLc/s1600/IMG_1184.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwdvnMQA4QZXN5Xg0HRjc3KdpLjymQPqSHHgrqv9LG7VMpdVerO6HXUMvlQnQClNhVL7ucoxj6IEh0AWo8dW7FE_vot-nmouiExSzE8rEFaVkuJ4QPIApB4T8QkW1Qb5WphNWl_C49oLc/s320/IMG_1184.JPG" width="240" /></a></div> <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"> Moon beams and day dreams; sitting around in blue jeans</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Makin magic outta ripples and seams</div><div style="text-align: center;"> We didn’t choose it, we won’t lose it; don’t even know what it means</div><div style="text-align: center;">Chorus:</div><div style="text-align: center;">One day you plant it, next day you sow it</div><div style="text-align: center;">If you’re lucky it’ll go to seed</div><div style="text-align: center;">Don’t try to fence it or be apprehensive</div><div style="text-align: center;">It’ll be there when you need, just you wait and see</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Some days you know it, other days you blow it; But it’s all good in the end</div><div style="text-align: center;"> We’ve been together and as long as I remember</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Along the way we both had to bend</div><div style="text-align: center;">Chorus:</div><div style="text-align: center;">One day you plant it, next day you sow it</div><div style="text-align: center;">If you’re lucky it’ll go to seed</div><div style="text-align: center;">Don’t try to fence it or be apprehensive</div><div style="text-align: center;">It’ll be there when you need, just you wait and see</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Life is a lesson, a circle and a blessin’; and if we get to do it again</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Don’t know if I’ll know you or even get to meet you</div><div style="text-align: center;"> But if I do I’ll call you friend</div><div style="text-align: center;">Chorus:</div><div style="text-align: center;">One day you plant it, next day you sow it</div><div style="text-align: center;">If you’re lucky it’ll go to seed</div><div style="text-align: center;">Don’t try to fence it or be apprehensive</div><div style="text-align: center;">It’ll be there when you need, just you wait and see</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372429274789593301.post-57452666570458335822011-03-23T18:12:00.000-06:002011-03-23T18:12:45.510-06:00Full Worm Moon or Is it really Spring<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio6mDiwyGp5Z4GorF3gOufd1GAQZ4t61XHUglZ-dKnq727DRLIuo6O0DzgU5gsbS0ZCHdI_67WO5SFCx-gDcVWYSUg7p_kQQ2L_502zwuxgiAUZhRX2nKDEIcFKjzzooLEzHi1LWem53s/s1600/First+siting.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio6mDiwyGp5Z4GorF3gOufd1GAQZ4t61XHUglZ-dKnq727DRLIuo6O0DzgU5gsbS0ZCHdI_67WO5SFCx-gDcVWYSUg7p_kQQ2L_502zwuxgiAUZhRX2nKDEIcFKjzzooLEzHi1LWem53s/s320/First+siting.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>The super moon it started climbing...and what a moon it was! Well, not really. I mean,we did go out and watch it come up and took all these photos but... really, it wasn't such a super moon...was it??<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSHOKyVe7I7cIoIjD_bQpZWEQ1FkNqMJETk361FdZtqrkVmuiyJFLKGBmDA23skUiDTljtc8CeiCM4McLxyyHj-9K6vt3-yvdG3OByYr5PlNNZWt-jfNSL3CWmUC8bqphvbrIBLa2iP2w/s1600/rising....JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSHOKyVe7I7cIoIjD_bQpZWEQ1FkNqMJETk361FdZtqrkVmuiyJFLKGBmDA23skUiDTljtc8CeiCM4McLxyyHj-9K6vt3-yvdG3OByYr5PlNNZWt-jfNSL3CWmUC8bqphvbrIBLa2iP2w/s320/rising....JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I had heard that you would be able to see the "man in the moon" easier with it being so much closer to Earth and all and low and behold...I see two eyes and a face is quite easily recognizable...oh, wait, that was only a tree!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMziWwpNpl356wnWhCGPp7pMPxGu0GKzvIzJ0CwX6p9VBiENZTshJC0fCxNbC-LCbSVVQLMJRHgSOj22diukBi1j1B2RZXpdUYhi3LtaZLzTFdP9FBZs2gkVuX-AefUw_jp768OwHv9mo/s1600/Full+Worm+Moon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMziWwpNpl356wnWhCGPp7pMPxGu0GKzvIzJ0CwX6p9VBiENZTshJC0fCxNbC-LCbSVVQLMJRHgSOj22diukBi1j1B2RZXpdUYhi3LtaZLzTFdP9FBZs2gkVuX-AefUw_jp768OwHv9mo/s320/Full+Worm+Moon.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>So, here she is in all her full glory and it is cold outside (the Bailey's helped). But we watched her come up and felt like we did our duty even though the porch still reeked of skunk from a few nights back when our fierce protector ran it off but not before it struck!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpDKAUlLXJ-W8cjFvY07h0dzH_YnLdTUPNplaYtH3iCG2XhDh2TbvW5FAvuVZDFiEijDtKptX1_VSjagKQXB8iti38ZW9124ILO2oM2F0PYZYvC2Gz0FH0TJ1jTmL_jbdX9KS65AmSSFY/s1600/IMG_1144.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpDKAUlLXJ-W8cjFvY07h0dzH_YnLdTUPNplaYtH3iCG2XhDh2TbvW5FAvuVZDFiEijDtKptX1_VSjagKQXB8iti38ZW9124ILO2oM2F0PYZYvC2Gz0FH0TJ1jTmL_jbdX9KS65AmSSFY/s320/IMG_1144.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>But she did indeed shine down on my yard art and made the evening quite enjoyable after all. Thank you Miss Full Worm Moon...but then there was the next night.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzsysEQcH1Cjph9e-QKL_tn_rtbozNm2Od9Ced3LhKoWVAPHk8_pjZrluhksDS24K9vAPag7T8yBf0tEjZUY9ipyTHZtcVmIdwJktqtFLBZjiiXT8k26U6Yp5Su8gsWo2K4Xc9Ln3gsio/s1600/IMG_1145.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzsysEQcH1Cjph9e-QKL_tn_rtbozNm2Od9Ced3LhKoWVAPHk8_pjZrluhksDS24K9vAPag7T8yBf0tEjZUY9ipyTHZtcVmIdwJktqtFLBZjiiXT8k26U6Yp5Su8gsWo2K4Xc9Ln3gsio/s320/IMG_1145.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Still officially the full moon the cloud passing across her made her beauty stand out more.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWomO-M82aXjgK0h053nKc6nh-QOyFIJB5_UGHfOqKx1Jii3M4l2YVapW1isxNqdd2Ch8pFQ9sWc-82recehbHQ8k_xNXLbdf8D-LnCyyQnPBGeyR4IR6EVcr3ZRt62WAybu2y1rxItDg/s1600/IMG_1149.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWomO-M82aXjgK0h053nKc6nh-QOyFIJB5_UGHfOqKx1Jii3M4l2YVapW1isxNqdd2Ch8pFQ9sWc-82recehbHQ8k_xNXLbdf8D-LnCyyQnPBGeyR4IR6EVcr3ZRt62WAybu2y1rxItDg/s320/IMG_1149.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Then the next morning when sitting in my favorite chair with coffee in hand I looked out the window and there she was still, I might add, quite glorious!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jL1CV_t3ceYsL5j44l8Lopz5u32isl6JGr8NxOFNpKWDJ37cSdFaDf3BfQbQUA75m7sgCSOFJosKeM2ugBLJ4rxLqgxxGvwxcY3kC-KoFFhipVol5UgZYnvztGjotPtSsvlpwtPkZHQ/s1600/IMG_1148.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jL1CV_t3ceYsL5j44l8Lopz5u32isl6JGr8NxOFNpKWDJ37cSdFaDf3BfQbQUA75m7sgCSOFJosKeM2ugBLJ4rxLqgxxGvwxcY3kC-KoFFhipVol5UgZYnvztGjotPtSsvlpwtPkZHQ/s320/IMG_1148.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>My favorite time of day for photographing on Rainwalker Mesa is when the skies are pink and blue and thank you, one last time oh Full Worm Moon!!<br />
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I have not looked into the reason for the name of this moon cycle and why it is that it is called the worm moon other than worms in many places are a sign of spring. I went for a walk this morning with a neighbor and her 5 month old son. We saw ants...the first time this year so it must be spring after all. I know the equinox was this past Sunday and though I used to celebrate that day a bit more I did take notice of the day. It is hard to see spring in these mountains since we get no moisture until the monsoon rains and then have our spring in September. We did however work out in the garden area and moved the bean fence from last year's location. The next day the wind blew 50 mph so it must be spring in New Mexico!!<br />
My wonderful husband and I are celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary tomorrow and have reservations at a "wine bar and bistro" for dinner. That too means to me that it is sping...even though 21 years ago in NW Arkansas there was an ice storm going on and we slid all the way to our honeymoon destination! It seems that this week of March there is typically a late winter/early spring cold front. The last of my news for this first week of spring is that after almost 7 long weeks of having problems with our internet it is finally in good working order...she said with all the confidence she can muster. Happy Spring everyone and I hope you too enjoyed the Full Worm Moon.Terri Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05845418038917396046noreply@blogger.com2