I wanted to write a great blog post...for the Equinox.
But today is October 1st and I haven’t written in here since the summer solstice. I wanted to write a timely follow up to that post on the Equinox, over a week ago, but I got stuck. My world has shifted since the Solstice. Change has come yet again, as it will and as it does but these last few months have brought to me changes I would never have predicted and did not see coming.
I have had my heart shattered, my mind blown and my soul reignited...in that order...in the last 3 months!
The shattered heart is deeply personal and has brought me to my knees. Loss, in any form, can be painful but it can also be a window inside the self. I am still in there, on some level, looking and studying what I find in that view. What these journeys tell me about myself and my path has been evolving while mending the shattered parts. I am trusting the process mostly because I have no other choice.
And with that shattered heart I took myself off to Lyons, Colorado to the Rocky Mountain Song School at a gorgeous place called Planet Bluegrass along the St Vrain river. I went to this songwriting school thinking it a one time fantasy vacay for myself but little did I know. I found my people on that Planet and THAT was what blew my mind more than anything...that I EVEN had people!! That it would be songwriting folks and that I would feel so very connected to these fellow songwriters was not what I expected. Although, to be honest, it is what I wrote in my journal a week before going...that kind of floors me now. I wrote “I want to FEEL like I have something to offer. That my stories are valid, that my songwriting is a gift that I have to give. And not just mine, I want to FEEL, as a participant of the song school, that we ALL have our gifts to give. We all matter. I matter but not more or less than anyone else...but I matter too. Feel that Terri. You matter. You have a writing gift...use it, feel it, give it.” And then I take my (zero training) self off to this incredible place with incredibly inviting people and felt completely at ease and a part of something bigger than us all. I was welcomed in as if I mattered and as if I had important stories to tell via song...via my songs. And I have so many new and wonderful friends. That experience has changed my life. I know I am not the first to say that as it was the 25th year of the song school. It was only my first but I will be back...that is a surety.
The instructor to student ratio is incredible. And as any week of workshops goes, you can never take them all so one must go back over and over again just to learn all there is to absorb and digest from these amazing songwriters/instructors. I tended to gravitate towards performance this first year since that has been my weakest link in the chain. I have had pretty bad stage fright since starting this amateur adventure a few short years ago. I either forget lyrics or my hands shake so bad I can hardly play my guitar. I can bring lyrics on stage with me for comfort but shaky fingers are harder to navigate. I thought the performance classes would help with this anxiety. It did help and I have way more tools to help me navigate my nerves. But there was far more to it than that.
It reignited my soul.
To know more about what happens at Song School though...you gotta go...if that is your thing. Otherwise it is too hard to put into words. Except that...I did write a song called When I Was A Cello that sort of sums it up for me. In one class all of the students had to describe each other using only 3 words and there was a process to get there. One of my words was shifty...as in shape shifter shifty and since I have studied shamanism once upon a time I really resonated with that.
I have been writing songs almost nonstop since I got home from Lyons. And I am going to open mics, I am going to see live music and I am considering making my first record.
In September I went to the inaugural Casey Jones folk festival in Colo Springs. It was a blast. I met more song school folks and sang in the open mics and song circles with the pros!! It was magical...simply magical. In one of the workshops I said yes to being the guinea pig and made a complete fool of myself but it reaped rewards. And one of those might turn into a record which has been a dream since I started this crazy side road in my life.
So, here it is October already and my life feels like it is on a new path. October is usually a hard month for me but I don’t think I am going to notice too much. I have all these song ideas that keep coming and I am practicing every day and have started using a pic again so people can actually hear my guitar. I am standing too...so people can hear my voice. I have songs to sing and stories to tell. Autumn comes in the fall every year...without fail. And I am here too. Watching as the leaves fall and the colors change and the smoke from my fire rises.
When I Was A Cello
An original song
For Emily Ann
He said we are family
With that first hello
Found my tribe on the Planet
As I turned into a cello
Writing songs by the bank
Of the lovely St Vrain
The owl asleep now silent
In this morning rain
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shape shifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
Seasons change and the night ends
Light shifts into mind blowin’
Colors that transcend
The darkness in my soul
Leap into the next
Brave chapter my dear
Only you will see the gifts
Life has to offer you there
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shape shifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
You played me as a child
You held me in your arms
The sounds we made together
Emily Ann you are my charm
Dream your dreams
Live your life
Endless possibilities
Yes, there will be strife
If you keep pushing through
Even when you wonder why
Things start to make sense
And you know why your try
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shapeshifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
But today is October 1st and I haven’t written in here since the summer solstice. I wanted to write a timely follow up to that post on the Equinox, over a week ago, but I got stuck. My world has shifted since the Solstice. Change has come yet again, as it will and as it does but these last few months have brought to me changes I would never have predicted and did not see coming.
I have had my heart shattered, my mind blown and my soul reignited...in that order...in the last 3 months!
The shattered heart is deeply personal and has brought me to my knees. Loss, in any form, can be painful but it can also be a window inside the self. I am still in there, on some level, looking and studying what I find in that view. What these journeys tell me about myself and my path has been evolving while mending the shattered parts. I am trusting the process mostly because I have no other choice.
And with that shattered heart I took myself off to Lyons, Colorado to the Rocky Mountain Song School at a gorgeous place called Planet Bluegrass along the St Vrain river. I went to this songwriting school thinking it a one time fantasy vacay for myself but little did I know. I found my people on that Planet and THAT was what blew my mind more than anything...that I EVEN had people!! That it would be songwriting folks and that I would feel so very connected to these fellow songwriters was not what I expected. Although, to be honest, it is what I wrote in my journal a week before going...that kind of floors me now. I wrote “I want to FEEL like I have something to offer. That my stories are valid, that my songwriting is a gift that I have to give. And not just mine, I want to FEEL, as a participant of the song school, that we ALL have our gifts to give. We all matter. I matter but not more or less than anyone else...but I matter too. Feel that Terri. You matter. You have a writing gift...use it, feel it, give it.” And then I take my (zero training) self off to this incredible place with incredibly inviting people and felt completely at ease and a part of something bigger than us all. I was welcomed in as if I mattered and as if I had important stories to tell via song...via my songs. And I have so many new and wonderful friends. That experience has changed my life. I know I am not the first to say that as it was the 25th year of the song school. It was only my first but I will be back...that is a surety.
The instructor to student ratio is incredible. And as any week of workshops goes, you can never take them all so one must go back over and over again just to learn all there is to absorb and digest from these amazing songwriters/instructors. I tended to gravitate towards performance this first year since that has been my weakest link in the chain. I have had pretty bad stage fright since starting this amateur adventure a few short years ago. I either forget lyrics or my hands shake so bad I can hardly play my guitar. I can bring lyrics on stage with me for comfort but shaky fingers are harder to navigate. I thought the performance classes would help with this anxiety. It did help and I have way more tools to help me navigate my nerves. But there was far more to it than that.
It reignited my soul.
To know more about what happens at Song School though...you gotta go...if that is your thing. Otherwise it is too hard to put into words. Except that...I did write a song called When I Was A Cello that sort of sums it up for me. In one class all of the students had to describe each other using only 3 words and there was a process to get there. One of my words was shifty...as in shape shifter shifty and since I have studied shamanism once upon a time I really resonated with that.
I have been writing songs almost nonstop since I got home from Lyons. And I am going to open mics, I am going to see live music and I am considering making my first record.
In September I went to the inaugural Casey Jones folk festival in Colo Springs. It was a blast. I met more song school folks and sang in the open mics and song circles with the pros!! It was magical...simply magical. In one of the workshops I said yes to being the guinea pig and made a complete fool of myself but it reaped rewards. And one of those might turn into a record which has been a dream since I started this crazy side road in my life.
So, here it is October already and my life feels like it is on a new path. October is usually a hard month for me but I don’t think I am going to notice too much. I have all these song ideas that keep coming and I am practicing every day and have started using a pic again so people can actually hear my guitar. I am standing too...so people can hear my voice. I have songs to sing and stories to tell. Autumn comes in the fall every year...without fail. And I am here too. Watching as the leaves fall and the colors change and the smoke from my fire rises.
When I Was A Cello
An original song
For Emily Ann
He said we are family
With that first hello
Found my tribe on the Planet
As I turned into a cello
Writing songs by the bank
Of the lovely St Vrain
The owl asleep now silent
In this morning rain
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shape shifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
Seasons change and the night ends
Light shifts into mind blowin’
Colors that transcend
The darkness in my soul
Leap into the next
Brave chapter my dear
Only you will see the gifts
Life has to offer you there
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shape shifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
You played me as a child
You held me in your arms
The sounds we made together
Emily Ann you are my charm
Dream your dreams
Live your life
Endless possibilities
Yes, there will be strife
If you keep pushing through
Even when you wonder why
Things start to make sense
And you know why your try
It’s about saying yes
When its easier to say no
It’s shapeshifting I guess
Like when I was a cello
